VOLTO! : THE BAND'S OFFICIAL BIO
RESEARCHED, VERIFIED & ASSEMBLED By BLAIR MacKENZIE BLAKE
JOHN ZIEGLER (GUITAR)
NAME AT BIRTH: JOHANN ZIEGLER
NOTES: Resigned (defected) from high-level position at the 'dark side' of NASA (HOUSTON, TX) upon learning that his supervisor was actually a shape-shifting reptoid that was stranded on the earth after the 1948 UFO crash at Aztec, New Mexico. According to JZ (who at the time specialized in theoretical considerations of geo-magnetic power propulsion and anti-gravity drives) Mr. Zemkla (the reptoid) was secretly planning on using the government agency funds to return back to "The Realm of Alzdom." However, the reason for John's leaving the organization was that in its human guise, Zemkla was "a real prick!"
Having moved from Houston to Los Angeles, John would often hide inside a utility closet at "Black Market Music," only to emerge in the darkness after the store had closed, whereupon he would spend most of night trying out the various guitars, amps, mixers, and vintage guitar effects pedals. Afterwards, he lowered the marked prices on those that he liked. To purchase other gear, he supplemented his income by composing porn soundtracks.
OTHER INTERESTS: John is believed to be in possession of a very valuable Hummel (figurine) collection that he inherited from a wealthy Philadelphia socialite while being employed as the rose gardener of her sprawling estate. It was his innovative use of Starbuck's coffee grounds as his secret mulch that provided him with enough money to eventually purchase his first electric guitar - an imitation Magnatone "Zephyr" bought at Walgreens. Word on the street is that he keeps the Hummels locked safe in the bomb shelter in his backyard.
FAVORITE MUSICIAN: Klinton Flink.
LOWEST PAYING MUSICAL GIG: Composing melodic chimes (utilizing chromatic scale figures) for an ice cream van in Lofoten, Norway.
FAVORITE MOVIE: The Hungarian language version of "Billy the Kid Versus Dracula," which he watches religiously after every Volto! show.
FAVORITE DRINK: Zima and iced Plobium. (Allegedly, he purchased numerous cases of the citrusy drink after a fortune-teller warned that its domestic production would soon cease - something that John at first refused to believe).
FAVORITE SPORT: Full contact mahjong.
LANCE MORRISON (BASS)
NAME AT BIRTH: MORRISON LANCE
NOTES: Reputed to be a member of the L.A. chapter of "The HellFire Club." Based on the quasi-Masonic secret society founded in 1750 by Sir Francis Dashwood (Motto: "Stiff clubs and Hard balls"), the club is known for illegally playing midnight rounds of golf on local country clubs with flaming gutta-percha balls hit by blackthorn shillelaghs with shafts made of a mysterious substance known as "Roswellium."
Other non-musical interests include sipping de-café while conducting surveillance with an elite narco squad in Singapore (or Rhode Island).
It's not generally known that Lance secretly aspires to be the lead guitarist in Volto! (and that he once admitted [though now denies] to haven taking a golden shower from a full-blown and quite unexpected apparition of the ancient Sumerian goddess, Inanna.)
FAVORITE MEAL: Flaming periwinkles and chocolate covered fire ants.
WORST DESSERT: Stale ladyfingers with an entremet of wild cherry Sucrets.
FAVORITE SONG: "The Ballad of the Hungry Hamburgers from Mars."
FAVORITE BOOK: "How To Sharpen Pencils: A Practical & Theoretical Treatise on the Artisanal Craft of Pencil Sharpening for Writers, Artists, Contractors, Flange Turners, Anglesmiths & Civil Servants" by David Rees.
DANNY CAREY (DRUMS)
NAME AT BIRTH: DILBERT CAREY
NOTES: It is believed by some that Danny has an identical twin brother who is the actual drummer in the Grammy award-winning, multi-platinum record selling prog-metal band "TOOL" and that Dilbert changed his name to Danny for this reason. To my knowledge, no one has yet been able to confirm this strange rumor.
Danny (or Dilbert) is also a reputed member of the L.A. chapter of "The Hellfire Club," being the black-masked driver of one of their stealthy Garia LSV golf carts (expired registration). He, too, secretly aspires to be the lead guitarist in Volto!
Danny is a licensed to kill Fugu chef, season ticket holder of the WNBA Los Angeles Sparks, and is currently in the process of restoring a civil war era submarine to use as a party retreat in his pentagonal-shaped swimming pool.
FAVORITE MUSICIAN: Damien Storm (for LINN DRUM MACHINE programming).
FAVORITE MEAL: Patiopoulo-Perdikaki road kill.
FAVORITE MOVIE: Gummo II, which he often watches while eating peacock tongues grilled on the manifold of his favorite pickup truck.
OTHER INTERESTS: Staying between the lines with the "Gangsta Rap Coloring Book", contemplating "The Reimann Hypothesis" (i.e. Problem 8), and searching for treasures in boxes of 1965 Quisp cereal (hoping to find a Quazy Flux Cubitator, "where all secrets of the planet Flumbot are stored.")